Question:

As the holidays approach, what is your opinion of the Christmas family newsletter? Should you send one & what should be in it? I struggle with this each year.

Thank you,
Elaine

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Elaine,

I also struggle with the family Christmas newsletter. Each year, we get one that is in iambic pentameter and is multi-generational. Believe me, it is a chore to wade through, but I know it is sent with love from good friends.

I think these letters can be great if you stick to relevant news about immediate family. They should be upbeat; but if there has been bad news (death, divorce, severe illness or other tragedies), your good friends will want to know this also. I firmly believe that these newsletters should only be sent to people who know your family well. When writing your letter, remember that your son's winning goal on the 5 year old soccer team and your 4 year old daughter's dance recital are special moments to you and your husband, but may not be of great interest to the recipients of your holiday greeting. One of my favorite annual letters is filled with very few words and lots of fun pictures.

Please remember to include a warm greeting or closing to the letter. Tell your friends how special they are in your life and how often you think of them. A few key words to remember when you begin drafting the 2008 family newsletter are: warmth, brevity, relevance, humility & so on.

I hope this helps you out. Have a wonderful holiday season.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

What is the proper amount of time for thank you notes? Does the time depend on the gift/event?

Ed

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Dear Ed,

I have always said, "the sooner the better!" When thanking someone for a gift you received, a week is a good rule of thumb. However, always remember that a later thank you is better than no thank you. When writing thank you notes for wedding gifts, you would definitely have more time, though I don't subscribe to the year time frame that some sources do. Get those notes out as soon as the gifts start rolling in!

The same holds true for a thank you note for any special event. Promptness and heartfelt thanks are always appreciated and proper.

I hope this helps you out.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

I wanted to buy embossed note cards for my nephew and his wife and wanted to put their initials on the front of the card. His name is Phil, hers is Amber and their last name is M___. Is it proper to put PMA on the front of the card or should you not do that?

Rosie

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Dear Rosie,

What a thoughtful gift for your nephew and his wife! Everyone needs and enjoys receiving personalized stationery. It is one of my favorite gifts to give.

The joint monogram is very popular today. It is proper to put this monogram on the front of a folded note. Traditionally, it should read as follows...AMP. You will note that Amber's initial is first - the M for M___ is second and larger - Phil's initial is last.

Be sure to look at all the great choices available on American Stationery's web site and have fun selecting the perfect gift.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

Is there a monogram for note cards that could be used by both husband and wife  ie, just S or RSS for Ryan and Susan or can a three letter monogram be just used by one or the other?

Barbara

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Barbara,

Yes, there is a monogram that you can have put on a folded note or a correspond card. Of course, you can just put your last initial S or a joint monogram. In your case, it would as follow: SSR

The first initial is Susan's    S

The second initial is the last name and a larger size than the 1st and 3rd initials     S

The third initial is the husband's      R

I hope this helps you out.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

I have been invited to a costume party that is by invitation only. It is being hosted by a very affluent acquaintance. I am much honored to have been invited. Should I bring a gift, or thank you trinket? I was taught you always bring a thank you gift. Wine seems a bit trite. Brownies do not seem to be a good idea either.

Mareshah

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Mareshah,

A small gift is always appropriate to bring to your hosts. It is a very thoughtful and gracious gesture. If your hosts enjoy wine, then a nice bottle of wine would not be considered trite. Cocktail napkins and wine glass charms are a fun gift also. Fresh flowers or a plant is another good hostess gift idea. If you know them well, something for their home (candle, small decorative accessory, etc.) is also very appropriate.

Please remember it is not the gift but the thought behind the gift that says thank you for the invitation. It is also very proper to send a brief thank you note after the party. This is not mandatory, but a very nice thing to do.

Have a great time at the party.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

Is it still appropriate to put the dress attire on invitations such as "Business Casual/Holiday Attire." I still see it on black tie events, but have not noticed attire being mentioned on most.

Thank you,
Debra

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Debra,

Thanks for the question. It is definitely appropriate to add the attire wording to the invitation. When I had my store, we put attire wording on many of our invitations. Since this is a holiday party, some of my favorites are:

Holiday Casual
Holiday Attire
Festive Attire

I hope your holiday party is a huge success.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

On the bottom of my daughters birthday invitation I would like to give some ideas on things she likes since I am always asked what she is "into" at this time. Is that appropriate?

Debra

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Debra,

It is never appropriate to offer written gift ideas on a party invitation. I know that you would be doing this as a convenience for the guests; however, this could be misinterpreted as "legislating" what gifts your daughter is to receive. If the guests want gift suggestions, they will ask and then you may offer some ideas.

Thank you for asking Everyday Etiquette. I hope the birthday party is a huge success.

Ms. Carey

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Question:

For return address mailing labels, what is the correct etiquette for the order in the first name? Does the husband or the wife's name come first?
e.g. John and Jane Doe  or  Jane and John Doe?

Martha

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

Martha,

This is a very popular question. I know that there are differing opinions out there among etiquette experts. Personally, I have always believed that it is "ladies first" and that the gentleman's first and last name should not be separated unless children's names are being included in a signature (i.e. a Christmas card).

My recommendation would be:
Jane and John Doe

I hope this helps you out. Thank you for asking Everyday Etiquette.

Ms. Carey

Ask your own Everyday Etiquette questions